Retrospective Half Way

This year has not been easy. Lots of weirdness and heartbreak and unexpected battles. Some years just seem to bring more challenges, hardships than others. This one has been particularly bad...

I went to the party at our friends house today (their daughter is turning 7). The man is also my insurance agent. We have been working on putting together a cheaper insurance package for me that would combine my autos, primary house and rentals all in one attached policy. This is suppose to save me money. However, today I find out that the insurance company that we had intended to go with says we have a "farm" and will have to insure it as a farm because we have livestock (we do not sell livestock or farm products and the cows are for us). We also won't be able to cover the barn because, get this, we actually use it as a barn and store hay and straw in it. They won't cover it if it burns because hay and straw are flammable material (it's O.K. if we store gasolene or propane though). I have never had an agent scrutinize our lifestyle in so much detail, but our friend knows what we have and says he has to tell the company or else they won't cover any claims. My former agent, a stranger, never asked us if we stored hay or straw or kept livestock (she asked if we farmed and I had her clarify the question and she asked if we were planning to plant any crops).

Really, I am to the point of giving all this shit up. I really think the bottom line to this multiple year experiment is this: It is IMPOSSIBLE to be self-sufficient even on a small scale in these modern times. It is exactly what the popular magazine calls it: Hobby Farming. It is for the well-off and not the working poor. I suppose if I owned my land outright (no mortgage) and built some sort of alternative , off-grid housing (that passes codes) than I would be closer, but that is not our reality financially (another wealthy adventure) and probably never will be. I really despise having to give up almost one whole paycheck (two weeks of my life) to insurance companies.

I really am not here to burst any one's bubbles, but all I can say is don't look to this lifestyle for any bureaucracy relief. It's not here. You'll pay taxes to run schools you have no say in the curriculum; you'll find the county has 75 feet of right-of-way on either side of a ditch that runs through a portion of your property and can cut out your trees and shrubs if they decide its necessary and BILL YOU; you'll pay higher insurance on the whim of the CEO's of a company (some of which get nice little bail-outs when things get tough) who apparently have no idea of the point of barns (Now I can understand why the farmers around here burn beautiful, century-old barns to the ground to avoid insurance); you'll find the neighborhood dogs killing your investments; the Gov will want to track your animals... It just does not stop.

I'm to the point of no return. I've invested in this house and land (e.g. fruit trees and fencing) and probably am upside-down in the mortgage. It just seems pointless to have 12 acres if you have to ask the insurance agent if you can raise a couple of pigs or cows for your own use.

On the other hand, can I go back to town living? I love the sounds of wildlife and not being able to see my neighbor's houses (an introvert's dream house!). I love how our house is nestled in a valley between two gentle hills. I love our woods and all the wild edibles our land has to offer. Could I go back? I really don't know.

What I can do is give up the livestock. I was hoping to raise the calves and I will have a difficult time letting Maggie and Baby (and even Ryan) go. I love seeing them graze out front. They have been expensive pets. However, I just can't get ahead if my bills keep rising and rising. I feel Nickled and Dimed by insurance and taxes and bills related to this lifestyle (e.g. Hay, feed, fence, loss, liability). Mostly I just feel like fate is trying to tell me something and I have been too stubborn to listen.

I am so down in the dumps tonight.